What NOT to say a Woman:
Ok~ most of my blogs are written to and for women…..so I’m
going out on a limb here. Some things have….well let’s just say come to my
attention…….and so today is for the fellas……now since most of you were dragged
over her to read this by your wives and/or girlfriends……..thanks for joining us
and bear with me….
SO here is today’s Top 10 List of What NOT to Say to a
Woman:
10. You remind me of my ex.
Now this SHOULD go without saying~
but believe it or not THIS has been said to me in the last 6 months and NOT by
a man I was romantically involved with or who I had ever even met in person.
WTF? REALLY? Who in their right mind wants to be compared to someone’s EX???
9. What’s for Dinner?
If you come home and there is
NOTHING cooking~ it is safe to assume that she has had a very bad day and will
NOT be cooking any dinner.
If you come home and you cannot identify
what is cooking it is safe to assume that she has most likely spent the day
trying to come up with something NEW and now would NOT really be a good time to
question it.
If she gets home and you are
already THERE and you ask her this~ be lucky you are alive to read this at all.
8. Well that was <dramatic pause> interesting.
We ALL know
this means you found it
A.
Disturbing
B.
Insulting
C.
Offensive
D.
A sexual turn on
E.
All of the above
And whatever you DO: DO NOT follow
up “well that was interesting” with “wanna try that?” TRUST me on this one~ she
will NOT want to try it.
7. Are you wearing
that?
There is NO possible WAY to make
THIS not sound like an INSULT. If you are underdressed politely say: “I just
need to change”. If you are overdressed politely say: “I just need to change”.
If you think this outfit does not look good on her politely shut the fuck up.
6. Do I have to go?
If she
invited you to go, got ready to go and is going herself~ then YES, yes you have to
go. To ask her this only make the
next 1-1.5 hours miserable for her because she will be worried that you are not
having any fun. And ultimately it will piss her off~ she told you about this event
three weeks ago, reminded you twice and more than likely picked out your damn
clothes: YOU’RE GOING.
5. After she asks you a question like: with these skinny
jeans should I wear the jeans tucked IN
to these boots, or left OUT? DO NOT launch into a dissertation about how most
women do **not** look good in skinny jeans. We AGREE. We KNOW. We ALREADY HAVE
THE FUCKING JEANS ON~ just let. it. go.
4. Are you drunk?
If you have to ASK then you do NOT
want the answer. If she IS, she will be offended because you think she is
somehow behaving inappropriately. If she is NOT, she will be offended because
you think she only ‘brings this up’ or ‘wants to try this’ when she is
drunk………just TRUST ME there is NO way to ask a woman if she is drunk. And there
is NO way to tell a drunk woman to ‘just calm down’. It’s like trying to
baptize cat and IT WILL NOT WORK.
3. I am dating a new girl and she is a lot like you.
Now~ this may SEEM like #10~ but is
actually far, far worse. It says……..I have moved on and I have chosen someone
**better** than you with some of your qualities. Again~ NO WAY to make this
sound remotely good. And there may very well be a voodoo doll that looks A LOT
like YOU in her drawer!
2. Do you have any <insert your needed laundry item here>
clean somewhere?
If she had it~ the fucker would be
in your drawer. If the laundry is NOT done~ she feels bad and **immediately**
like she needs to do better. NO woman has a fucking secret stash of laundry
CLEAN and FOLDED somewhere.
1. YOU LOOK FINE.
Now this is most often said in
response to “how do I look?” or “Do I look okay?” NEVER EVER answer THIS.
Chances are: she spent 5X longer getting ready than you did. She changed
clothes at least 3 times. She is feeling vulnerable. If you SAY this and it is
NOT in response to a question~ well then you are lucky to be alive to read this
at all. If you have the BALLS to say this without even looking at her~ well then good luck with your balls~ you have to sleep some time.